Today is a hard day for me. I told myself that I was going to sleep the day away and wake up when everything was all over. But I can't seem to do that and everything reminds me of the sad memory I must remember.
Today is my brothers birthday and in 5 days it will be 2 years since he was taken from me and my family. You figure after 2 years the mourning and pain would be gone but I woke up with it fresh as if it just happened yesterday. All my many questions floated back into my head. "Why?" Why?" "Why?" I can't begin to explain the pain I feel for not having him in my life. To know he has a son he's never meet and my daughter he's never met, I hurt terribly everyday but today it's worse because we would be celebrating his birthday. Sometimes I'm eager to live the days of my life to get to him. Sometimes I feel like what good do I do on earth if he's not here with me. But I know my brother and he would be very upset at me for thinking that way. So I smile and instead of crying and I think about all the good memories I had with him.
I woke up this morning to see what time it was and the date on my clock said October 14th. My brother's birthday. I went back to sleep to ease the thought of not having him but I ended up dreaming about him. I woke up to a voicemail on my phone from our cousin, my brother's best friend. I guess I have to face the music. And it doesn't stop here. I have 5 days to get through. It hurts like hell.
~Missing my brother~
